Apology.

I know I have no followers and such, but I still figure I'd apologise for being so inactive!
I need to kick my butt back into gear and get myself sorted before Christmas comes around, I've just had a few more plans than normal lately.
But I will eventually get back to reviewing and being sarcastic.
All in due time.
My humble apologies!

Hell.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Fresh Meat

Synopsis: A rash of strange deaths in the Tahoe National Forest bring Sam, Dean and Bobby to the Sierra Nevada mountains to hunt a monster with a taste for human flesh. Soon walking corpses, bodies with missing organs, and attacks by a mysterious flying creature lead the trio to a cunning and deadly foe which can assume a human form and will do anything to survive.

Woo! I bought the latest Supernatural book, Mythmaker, today! I still haven't started reading Cold Fire yet, but it's up there on my list to do and once I've read that and Mythmaker I will be reviewing them, but for now on with the show!

Wow...kudos to Alice Henderson.
This is the third book in a row that has proven to be bloody great.
I zoomed through this book like there was no tomorrow and it got me really pumped to read the next in the series (too bad it wasn't out at the time).

Once again the brothers were pretty much on point and all the interactions between them and the other characters were as you'd expect in the show.
I can't find much to fault in this on honestly, Sam and Dean seemed to share about as much story time as one another, even when they were split up and that was honestly a pleasant change considering some of the novels previous to this one.

The case is very reminiscent of the wendigo case from season one and I, personally, thought it was a riot and a total game changer.
There were instances where you thought something was happening and it took a different turn.
Each chapter was filled with enough information to keep you fascinated in the case and mythology, without becoming too much and bogging you down with more notes than action and that is an important balance to get in a Supernatural novel.
Each segment didn't drag on when Sam and Dean were briefly split up and that was such a pleasant change of pace that it felt almost refreshing in a way.

I know this isn't a long review but there isn't much to say when I don't have anything to complain about.
Alice did a fantastic job with this novel and I, for one, hope that she is the author of a future novel in this particular series.

Hell Reviews - A Whole Abundance of Movies in the Order she Vaguely Remembers Them

So!
Sorry it's been a while since I uploaded, just been in bit of a creative frenzy with trying to get some stories out.
But last week I watched a load of movies over the weekend, which is already unlike me...I'm not exactly known to be a cinephile or whatever they're called.
But between the 21st of July to now I have watched a whole series of them, some well known and some not. Some with amazing directors and some made on a shoe string budget.
Most of these will just be my initial reactions, nothing too extensive and unlike my other reviews I won't include the movie posters and the synopsis of each one, but hey...some little pictures added in here and there.
Let's take a look shall we!

Deadpool - Was pretty damn sweet, I can see why it got the reviews it did. Great humour, as expected with the likes of Ryan Reynolds, great action and just all over wicked.

Would I recommend it?
Yes

Rating: 8.5/10


Prey - A cheap B-movie about another bunch of teenagers who don't listen to warnings whilst on holiday (or vacation to some) and end up getting munched by El Chupacabra. It's pretty much what you'd expect, you want nearly all of them dead and the creature looks more like something that crawled out of The Decent's cave and got lost, but it's decent for a short bit of entertainment.

Would Hell recommend it?
Sure, if you grab some friends and have a good laugh, just don't expect much from it...like logic.

Rating: 5.5/10 - I guess...

We Are What We Are - It's alright, bit a slow burning film, which can be great if done correctly. However it's predictable as all sin and I have seen films about this subject done in manners just as deep but also more interesting.

Would I recommend it?
I'm a bit iffy on that, I think if you liked things like Only Lovers  Left Alive and The Witch or even The Village, then I think you'd get some intrigue from it, just don't expect to leave the experience feeling anymore elated or wise.

Rating: 6.5/10


Everest - A wonderful telling of a true story. It's a great story to be told and is fantastically filmed, the scenery is breath taking, the action is suspenseful and the acting is awesome. The whole thing pulls on your heartstrings.

Would I recommend it?
If you enjoy documentary style films then yes, without a doubt I'd say this is one to check out.

Rating: 7.5/10


The Walk - The film that I keep calling Walk the Line...which I know is a completely different film, but it makes sense! I personally really enjoyed this film, it's joint top place with another that I will be mentioning soon. Like Everest it's a documentary film, this one about the man who freakin' tight rope walked between the Twin Towers. I thought it was wicked and humorous but I an also understand why some people walked out of the cinema screening, especially if seeing it in 3D...it plays with vertigo really well.

Would I recommend it?
You bet! I thought it was a good little time passer.

Rating: A high 8.5 to maybe a 9/10

Axe Giant - A killer Paul Bunyan story. Do I really need to say much more? The effects were pretty laughable, but it was a B-movie so I couldn't even expect much to it. There's nothing worth mentioning, it was all just...kind of hideous, but well done on the effort?

Would I recommend it?
Not unless you want a laugh and drinking game with friends. Don't watch it alone.

Rating: Barely a 4/10

The Body - Bugger me...the girls in this movie were irritating, inane and dumb. It barely runs for about 75 minutes and I already wanted to rip my hair out, it was fairly predictable what was going to happen and it does play out how you'd expect it to but if you enjoy little home invasion style films then it's alright. Just don't expect any logical choices, half the time you'll be like the picture under the rating before merely sighing and resigning to it.

Would I recommend it?
As stated up there, if you enjoy the type of story this film offers go for it, but it is easily passible.

Rating: 5/10

Crimson Peak - Holy crap...I really enjoyed this film, but it's right down my alley. Ghosts? Yes.
Large moths? Yep. Spooky looking but gorgeously large and isolated house? Mmhmm. Tom Hiddleston playing a charming British man with a brief glance as his bare, gorgeous behind? You bet! Honestly, despite me not liking Pan's Labyrinth in itself, I can still appreciate the visuals that Guillermo del Toro can create and boy does he deliver once again in Crimson Peak. It's all over gorgeous. The story itself is a little predictable, we figured out what was happening barely thirty minutes in, but it's still a decent film with wonderful practices in mixed physical and CGI effects and great acting throughout. Also Jim Beaver's in it...and he's cool.

Would I recommend it?
I think it's fairly clear I would, but it won't be for everyone.

Rating: Once again a high 8.5 to 9/10

Ant Man - It's alright, honestly not the best Marvel film created (that I've seen...which isn't many), there's plenty of action to it but there were plenty of parts the fell flat. The humour was kind of...meh...and just missed the point sometimes, I guess I'm biased because I miss the over cheesiness that the first Thor film offered, whereas the jokes in Ant Man feel more like when a little kid is trying to tell you a joke.
You know what's going to happen and you smile politely, waiting for them to finish, but you're already finding it unfunny before it's over.

Would I recommend it?
Kind of, I mean...it's part of the Marvel universe, but I wouldn't say to go out of your way to see it.

Rating: 6/10

And that's it!
That's the collection of movies I've seen over the last week, until Wednesday for my next Supernatural book review!

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Rite of Passage

Synopsis: As young children, Sam and Dean lost their mother to a mysterious supernatural force. In the years that followed, their father taught them about the paranormal evil that exists in the dark corners of America, and taught them how to kill it. As adults, after their father s demonic death, they eventually discovered that they were descended from a long line of hunters and now continue their mission. Laurel Hill, New Jersey, is beginning to look like one of the unluckiest places on Earth when a succession of mishaps, outbreaks and disasters hit the town. But Sam and Dean Winchester suspect that the events are more than just bad luck and decide to investigate. Along with Bobby Singer, the brothers question witnesses and check accident scenes and soon realize that a powerful Japanese demon is encouraging the chaos. But the demon has bigger plans than just spreading disorder and carnage, and Sam and Dean are going to need to make their own luck to stop the impending catastrophe. A Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit TV series!

Once again John Passarella...you did good.
This is yet another enjoyable novel by someone who is fast becoming my favourite author of the Supernatural novel series.
Yet again, the brothers in the hands of this author shine through and feel like the ones we'd been acquainted to for about six years at the point this book had been published.

The case is one that really pulls you in, from start to go I found myself interested and wanting more. Unlike other novels where I felt like I'd been reading for years rather than a few hours.
I think it seems fair to say that this particular storyline would fascinate me however, it involves a Japanese demon and if there's one thing Hell loves, it's Japanese mythology and demons.

As I'd expect with John's novels after the last one, Sam and Dean were pretty on point in comparison to their TV series counterparts.
Once again the bond was there, the playful little quips at each other and the typical Winchester co-dependence, only this time they were accompanied by an old friend who wasn't just a throw in, once off character for the sake of plot.
It was nice to see Bobby along for the ride too, as far as I'm concerned we don't see enough of him.
I admit that I am a Bobby fan, if they made a spin off with Bobby and Rufus, I'd watch the hell out of that! I'd rather have that than the Wayward Daughters crap most seem to want. (This may be mostly because I find Claire insufferable.)
I understand personal preference, but the Bobby and Rufus duo is beyond one of my favourites.
To read about him interacting with the boys really made this novel all the more better, not perfect by a long shot, but it added a lot more to the story than you perhaps my realise.

Part of the books focus is also about Sam coping with the break in the wall that's keeping him walking.
Seeing Sam struggle to keep grips on reality and tell what is and what isn't fictional was interesting, yet it also didn't take over the whole storyline which is the kind of focus you want on something like that.
As with the series I felt pretty bad for him, it seems like a terrible thing to have to live with.

Overall, it was pretty damn enjoyable, one of the better novels in the series and worth a read.
I look forward to checking out his next one.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Night Terror

Synopsis: Alerted to strange happenings in Clayton Falls, Colorado, Bobby sends the boys to check it out. A speeding car with no driver, a homeless man pursued by a massive Gila monster, a little boy chased by uprooted trees it all sounds like the stuff of nightmares. The boys fight to survive a series of terrifying night times, realizing that sometimes the nightmares don't go away even when you're awake...
(Synopsis has been corrected...there were a few grammar mistakes on Amazon.)


Oh, John.
Darling John Passarella.
When it comes to the Supernatural novels...you are quickly becoming one of my favourite authors along with Keith R.A.Decandido.
With your grammar also being a vast improvement on some of the previous novels too, the three that shall not be mentioned against, you are like an angel brought down from book heaven to bestow upon us this wonderful novel.
I guess what I'm trying to say is:

We're cool man.
This novel, along with Rite of Passage, is one of the best novels in this series.
This is the same author who has just brought out the latest book (as of writing this) Cold Fire, which I am yet to read. Coming this month is another book in the series by Tim Waggoner who is also great at writing Supernatural books and he's writing Mythmaker, but more about him next week.
For now it's about John Passarella and his nightmare fuel.
Literally.
So lets begin!

Straight off the bat I can say that the brother's are back together in this one!
Winchester hugs for all!

With Soulless Sam out of the picture the Winchester bond is back in business and John is yet another author who catches their relationship perfectly.
There's not much more to say on that, Sam and Dean are back on track and it makes for some great reading in Passarella's capable hands.
Thankfully in this book there aren't any other primary characters that take attention away from the pinnacle twosome that you're there for and boy does that make a difference.
The story doesn't feel over packed and weak because it's just the boys on another case.
We don't have to sit through the ridiculously played out introductions of characters who will never appear again and have them take up more time that ultimately ends up being wasted.
Can't say the same about characters overstaying their welcome in the show, but I digress.

The case is one that  I thoroughly enjoyed and knew I would straight from the get go. I admit that I was slightly hesitant when I found out another one was coming out, after the last three travesties I was worried what this novel would bring.
The synopsis did give me more hope and the fact it was a completely different author sold me on the idea.
I love things about nightmares becoming a reality, it's one of those subjects where someone could tell me a movie involving it is horrible and I'll still want to watch it.
I guess I like delving into the psyche of people and find out their inner workings, I suppose it appeases the part of me that's more 'stalk and mentally torment your victims'.
And boy, are some of these nightmares understandable, especially the spiders.
Man, I freakin' hate spiders.
Having common yet understandable nightmares coming to life definitely helped you feel for the characters, something many of the past cases and kind of struggled to do.
You know as a fellow human being that you should feel compassion for these people and yet half the time I just never really cared, but the thought of someone struggling with a massive spider sent a cold shiver down my spine.
I'm bad enough with small spiders that are barely the size of my fingertip, let alone one the size of a car.

Now whilst I enjoyed the whole nightmare aspect, I do wish we had spent more time on Sam and Dean's fears.
Bit of a spoiler here.
But you seem one of them face off against the nightmare ejected Soulless Sam and it just didn't last long enough for my personal preference, it was only about a page and a half long and I think it would have been wonderful if that had been explored a little longer or even been a main part of the story honestly.
I mean with Sam being fragile as it is and having to be careful of the wall and all that literal hell, it'd have been interesting to see how he and Dean would react to odd goings on involving the younger Winchester, but I guess you have to be careful with the original show storyline.

Other than I have no complaints.
It's a great novel that was enjoyable to read and had I not had to keep pausing between reads I'd have shot through it within a few hours, there were some nights where I was meant to be sleeping for work the next day and was instead led in bed reading by torchlight.
I'd blame this book for my terrible sleeping pattern, but I know that started a while before it.
Overall, it's a solid book and definitely worth a read for any fan of Supernatural.

Also, there's my original review again!

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Coyote's Kiss.

Synopsis: A truck full of illegal Mexican immigrants slaughtered with supernatural force is found by the side of a road. Trying to find answers, Sam and Dean are plunged into the dangerous world that exists along the Mexican border. They encounter a tattooed, pistol-packing bandita on a motorcycle who seems be everywhere they go before they get there. Xochi Cazadora draws them into a whole new world of monsters…

Right...well right off the bat I can tell you that Coyote's Kiss is a vast improvement to One Year Gone, sadly that isn't much of a positive as that isn't exactly a tough challenge.
I have read fanfiction better than One Year Gone.
However, does that mean Coyote's Kiss is a masterpiece?
Heck no, this is a Supernatural novel.
Supernatural being the cheesy horror show it is already kind of strikes out the novels being masterpieces, but they can be enjoyable.
Coyote's Kiss reaches about the middle level of entertainment for me.
It was alright, but definitely needed some sanding down.

Now the case itself was pretty damn enjoyable, I liked the different kind of setting it offered and I do love the different monsters they bring into the novels.
I wouldn't say this novel has a stand out case compared to some of the other books, but it's an enjoyable one for the duration that you're reading, which is more than I could say for the last two.
One thing I did note is that once again, it's a Dean based book.
I know Sam isn't one of those characters that everyone loves, I'm surprised actually by how many people claim to actually dislike him. Naturally I may be shocked as I'm a Sam-girl myself, I didn't know he was 'that' disliked, there's a surprising amount of negativity towards that particular character.
Some people have legitimate reasons for not liking him, such as he's too whiney and broody.
Others dislike him purely because he gets in the way of their Destiel ship.
But either way it all surprised me a bit.
Yes, Sam can be an unbearable prick at times (looking at you season 4 Sam) but most characters have redeemable factors, not saying he has to be your favourite character ever, but still....these latest authors seem to like Dean to a point where Sam is just in the background.
When you're a fan like I am, then I'd like to read about both of them. Sure I prefer Sam, but I enjoy Dean too and it seems a little unfair that one brother gets more attention than the other.
In episodes it's understandable, but even in the monster of the week episodes there's an equal amount of each Winchester.
This also would have been a chance to delve further into the soulless Sam story, but that was a severely wasted opportunity.

One of the problems is that, whilst the case is a good one, the focus isn't so much on the case as it is on this new character they introduced in the book.
Yes, here we go again with Hell disliking a female character, but I have my reasons.
I for one am not someone who likes characters that are so 'bad ass' that it comes across as obnoxiousness. In my opinion, this is something that blonde Ruby had that made me dislike her, and this new female hunter Xochi has it in the bucket full.
She's not only bad-ass and has a motorbike, but she's also fiercely independent and can do anything...to the point where she's essentially a terrible Mary-Sue that bores you to death and makes you eyeroll at every turn.
I don't like it when characters are brought in that overshadow Sam and Dean, I know there will be people out there better than them just as there would be worse than them, but when this new character takes up 90% of the story then it's far too excessive.
If you wanted to write about that specific character then write them in an original novel.
Don't throw this out and then slap the Supernatural name on it, knowing fans will pick it up.
The problem with that is, whilst it'd be a clever move, you will have people who dislike it severely as they came for the brothers, not your original character.

Another thing is that once again, Dean is pushed into the 'love interest' category to the point where it's groan worthy.
Why is it that when a female character is introduced they seem to have to have something with one of the brothers?
Shockingly, that doesn't always happen, but I can bet you if it's Dean based and there's a lead female character....he'll probably be paired off with her.
Then you get moments like when they both have to share motorbikes with two girls, one is too young to be a 'threat' here who rides with Sam and Dean gets to ride with our new, bad ass favourite hunter. I'm sure you can guess that it gets awkward, what with him being male, riding behind a female on a rather shaky bike.
I'm sure I don't need to delve further.
What did this add to the story?
Nothing but an eye roll and a weary sigh.
I am one of these people that dislikes romance as a general form, I'll try to avoid watching things involving romance, I don't read romance novels, but I know it's unavoidable at certain times.
But bugger me does this seem so forced and it makes me cringe.
I am reading this novel for Sam and Dean, not for Xochi and Dean and Sam who occasionally gets a mention.
Don't get me wrong, I can take romance and love interests...when that character is actually decently written and enjoyable.
Which is horrible for me to say, I don't like accusing characters of being Mary Sues and the term is thrown around too easily, but with Xochi it's so true.
If you got on with the bad ass, Mexican huntress then good for you, but I couldn't stand her.

I guess all in all it's just a little frustrating that so much time is spent on Xochi and Dean, whilst Sam's character was written so weakly like he was just a second thought to their new character.
Dean's relationship with this new hunter would have been fun and refreshing had she not been so 'over powered', so to speak, and taken away from the original hunting plot.
Once again I miss the brotherly bond, but with Sam being soulless still it's to be expected.

Overall it's a good book, but it's a rather meh Supernatural book.
I'll just put it aside and leave it as a one off read.

Hell Reviews - Naruto the Movie: Road to Ninja - There's pictures in this one!

Synopsis: Long ago, a masked shinobi unleashed the Nine-Tailed Fox onto the Village Hidden in the Leaves to spread chaos and destruction. But the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze, and his wife, Kushina Uzumaki, sealed the Tailed Beast into their newborn son Naruto to save the village, foiling the shinobi's plans.
Years later, Naruto and his friends succeed in driving away the infamous Akatsuki, who have mysteriously returned from the dead. Upon returning to the village, the young shinobi are praised by their families for completing a dangerous mission. Reminded of how alone he is, Naruto begins to wonder what it's like to have parents, when a strange masked figure appears before him - the same masked shinobi responsible for the death of his parents!

 

I know, I know.

Hell...this isn't a horror movie!

I'm fully aware, but shockingly I do also enjoy stuff that isn't just blood and gore and violence...and torture porn...and ghosts....and scary.

You know what I gotta say about that?

This is my review page and I'll do as I like.

 

Yes, I used to be a big Naruto fan in my college days.

Nine years ago I went through that phase and I lived through it, surviving to tell the tale.
Eventually I ended up giving up, I slowly lost interest in it altogether, I had about two and a half box sets of the genin series and got about one book away before the Shippuden series and I lost interest completely.
By this point it had been going for a good few years, Shippuden was well on its way and I was just very very slow to buy the books as other series took priority and eventually my interest had gone by the time I was part way through reading book 24 so I sold almost all my Naruto stuff to my younger brother who had picked up on his older siblings habits…as they do.

Skip to many years down the line, I still have casual conversations about the series, heck I still do sad little rp’s with my friend on Skype to pass the time and have a laugh, but my interest in the series itself never picked back up, I just never lost my love for some of the characters.

Yes, I was one of those girls that liked…and still like….Sasuke Uchiha, despite how much of an ass he is. I know, I know…but I like dark haired, broody jerks, and I dislike how it ended (it seems to push past fifteen years worth of character development, but that's my opinion) come at me, I have my shuriken ready.

Anyway, to the point, my younger brother (not the one who got my Naruto and Soul Eater stuff, another one) mentioned a certain Naruto part about being in an alternate universe where Sasuke is a total playboy and all that and I am a total stickler for alternate universe stuff.

I absolutely love it.
….But I forgot about that for a while and went on with my life as I do.
Wandering in the darkness by myself to avenge my fallen brother.
I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known…

Sorry…my inner Sasuke took over there.

Onwards!

So skip to about a year ago and this bro was down again and we gotsa talking about it again and having a laugh, he leaves and I’m like; You know what? Maybe I will watch it, this could be fun.
And I do!
Then I watch Rock Lee, Springtime of Youth…hoo boy what a series that one was!
That was the series that made me fall in love with poor Neji, who I thought was too arrogant as a child...I'm glad he grew out of that.
But just look at these! How cute are they?!

But we’re here to review Naruto the Movie: Road to Ninja.

So right off the bat let me say…what the hell is with the cover of the DVD?!
Why is it advertised as such?
I know other covers have more to do with the film in other countries, but I went to the UK Amazon and ‘this’ cover is the one that was the most used.
Why?!
Just….what?!

He is in it for like three scenes for barely two minutes at a time and not even in that outfit!
They have maybe one, very bad ass, scene. This film needs more Tobi!
But He is in it…and that’s okay by me.
Heck, even the damn synopsis is lazy and barely grazes the surface of the mentalness this film is.

On another note, this happens:

Needless to say...I was not prepared.

Now the story itself is alright, it's not the best alternate universe thing I've seen, but there are some things you just can't help but smile over.
I also like the main antagonist, I won't tell you who he is but let me tell you...he's pretty cool.
It's a good, cohesive story that doesn't really affect the main canon of the rest of the series, it's a filler movie essentially.
But when you're in the Naruto fandom you kind of expect filler and lots of it.
This is enjoyable filler though, despite being out of the fandom for a good few years I still found myself enjoying it and laughing at the inside jokes and the character differences.

The characters alternate selves are quite a laugh, I mean what's better than a dog hating Kiba and a bug hating Shino?
Let me tell you....very few things when it comes to Naruto...outside of Naruto? A fair bit to be honest.
It was nice to see Hinata with more confidence too, because bugger me does usually timid Hinata bug the hell out of me!

The main focus of this story is on Naruto and Sakura, and let me say off the bat...I didn't think Sakura could get more bloody annoying.
There's a scene before the alternate reality takes place where Sakura and Naruto are moping on a swing set, Naruto because he doesn't have parents to recommend his boost in position like the other teens are getting due to a mission and gone great....and Sakura because her parents are bloody sensible and don't think she's ready enough.
So what does she do?
Accept that maybe her parents are right and that she isn't ready for such a step?
Oh no, she shit talks her parents to the boy who is down because he hasn't got any.
Now, I know teenagers are selfish little buggers, but even the most obnoxious person wouldn't shit talk like that to a supposed friend who has been an orphan and at one point described as 'unwanted'.
That particular scene rubbed me the wrong way and soured me more to her character, and I have never been a fan of Sakura.
Don't get me wrong, Naruto gets under my skin too.
I don't get on well with characters who are too excited and yelly and gleeful....this may be due to my 'emotionless' and 'heartless' disposition, but I just don't get on well with them.
So that was my indication of just how shitty it was for her to do that, when you make me feel bad for Naruto then you know you've messed up. (Yes...I did almost write 'dun goofed' then.)
Of course by the end she learns to appreciate her parents and accept that she has it good, but with her entire attitude throughout the whole film it's too little, too late by that point.
Though there is a scene where alternate world Hinata pretty much tells her straight how shitty she is, and it is such a glorious scene.

It was sweet to see Naruto spending time with his parents, Minato is as kick ass as ever.
I never thought I'd miss a character I was never properly introduced to, as I'd stopped reading by that point, but I did!
Minato...come back!
Otherwise I found Naruto's scenes rather blah, and the constant parallels between him and his dad did my nut in. I personally don't like it when media does this 'parallel characters with others' thing, but it's a cliché and a trope and you kind of have to get used to it.

As mentioned before, the Akatsuki are in it for a short amount of time, once at the beginning of the film and then again later on...fighting for the good side?
Weird, I know, but kinda funny.

Over all, it's an alright filler film to waste time with when you have some spare.
Would it get me back into the series?
No, not at all...I'm afraid I'm too far gone for that, but it was good for some light entertainment.
Would I watch it again?
Probably not, no.
But thanks for keeping me momentarily pleased.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: One Year Gone

Synopsis: A Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit TV series! Twenty-seven years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a demonic supernatural force. Following the tragedy, their father taught the boys everything about the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners of America... and how to kill it. This story will fill in gaps in the Supernatural timeline thanks to the author s first-hand knowledge of the show and unrivalled access to the show s creator. Dean believes that Sam is in Hell so he is trying to keep his promise to his brother and live a normal live with Lisa and Ben. When he realizes that a spell in the Necronomicon could raise Lucifer and therefore Sam, he convinces his new family to travel with him on vacation to Salem. Meanwhile Sam is not as far away as Dean thinks and is determined to protect his brother from the Salem witches... Eric Kripke (creator and executive producer of Supernatural) has written a foreword for the book.

Oh boy, here we have it people, the crème of the crop of the bad Supernatural novels.

The one at the very top where I’d have to stop repeatedly and comprehend what I had just read, if it wasn’t just blatant mistakes on when Sam’s birthday is (which kind of irked me for reasons to be explained) then it was the awful porn like quotes:

Paraphrase of a quote because Hell is too lazy to flip through the book and find the actual thing:

Random blatantly witch, bad guy girl from the past to Sam: You remind me of a horse my family used to own.

Sam, kind of smirking I think, he’s soulless and doesn’t care about whatever: Well then giddy up.

What….what was that?!

Did I just slip into an erotic book by accident?

Look Sam, you’re my favourite character in the show and always have been. Most variations of you have been hot beyond believe, from moody Sam to Lucifer!Sam to soulless Sam, heck even demon blood Sam would have been hot if it wasn’t for the whole out of character sleeping with a demon thing (then trust her over your own brother?! What.the.hell?)…but bugger me if you did that to me I’d be laughing too hard to go any further with you, naked or otherwise.

Just what is that?
Dear god.

So, in case you didn’t get it, One Year Gone is based on that year or so between when Sam jumped into the pit and when Dean got pulled back into the game.

Which is for the best really, I mean…come on Lisa, you were bit of a meh character.
“You shoved my son!”
Yeah…after he was warned to stay the hell away and didn’t listen and put himself in danger, the little shit deserved to get more than shoved.
Maybe if you taught your kid to listen every once in a while it wouldn’t be an issue.
Forced conflict is forced.
Anyway, I digress.
The point is that you spend a lot of time flitting between, Sam’s case, Dean looking for the Necronimicon whilst acting like he’s there for holiday time with the new family and short passages of a similar case to Sam’s in past with what I believe is their ancestors.

Now the positive is that I really enjoyed the parts in the past, those parts I found really fascinating.

We had a look at past ancestors never mentioned before during the Salem Witch trials, which was one of my favourite subjects to learn about in English class. (Not to brag, but I got a B in that subject and an A in a law paper…yeah.)
This part was something new and fresh, brand new characters to form opinions on whilst being linked to our favourite brothers, it was all mayhem and it was awesome.

Sadly that’s all there is to the good of this book, which is a serious shame.

Everything else is just a glob of ‘what?’
There’s just a bunch of things that could have been promising, I mean come on there’s Dean’s worst enemy next to demons, witches, and they just posed such a small threat that it wasn’t worth the energy that getting excited would have used.
Sam is off hunting by himself and being soulless, once again could be promising but turns out to be a complete was of time unless you wish to see him pick up some witch to bang and do nothing else that’s really memorable.
Trust me, after the ‘giddy up’ nothing else sticks out for Sam, that was so bad that I had to share it with my best friend the second I was online after reading it.
When ‘that’ is all that sticks out about one of the main characters, then you know there’s an issue.

The main flaw of this book is that it drags so much.

I knew what I was getting into and I didn’t go in expecting the brother’s to be magically reunited only for Dean to magically lose his memory by the end of the book so it can continue with the canon story, I mean that’d be ridiculous even for Supernatural’s standards.
However the promise of finding out how they were coping separated, one ‘settled down’ but still obsessed with finding a way to help his brother, whilst the other being completely emotionless and just hunting because it’s what he knew during that dark time of having no soul would have been so interesting, if done right.
But Rebecca added nothing that gave these two separate and potentially interesting stories life.
It’s so cardboard and boring and bugger me, Lisa and Ben are still annoying as all heck.
The main thing about Supernatural is its focus on the family bond, the chemistry between Sam and Dean, and the actors playing them on screen, is vital for the stories to work.
Without that there’s nothing to keep you interested and their understandable separation in this book just makes it drag out for so long that it almost became a chore to read it.
I wasn’t going in blind, I knew it was going to be about their time separated and looked forward to it, but it all just fell so short that eventually I was pushing myself to get to the end and almost gave up on it altogether a few times.
If it hadn’t been for the time jumps to the past at random times, I wouldn’t have bothered.

Another flaw is that it’s just far too coincidental.

Now any Supernatural fan will know that coincidence and the Winchesters go hand in hand, but this book takes the biscuit sometimes.
You expect Sam and Dean to get out of being tied up with relative ease to beat the bad guys if it’s a one off episode, you expect clues to turn up in ridiculous circumstances so the plot can progress within its hour time slot, but this just got ridiculous.
Let me give you an example, don’t expect explicit details as I tried to bleach this out of my brain.
There’s a part where Dean has to sneak into somewhere and Lisa was like; “Here’s some balaclavas so no one recognises us, I packed them from home.”

…What?!

What?!

You’re going to Salem! Why would you pack freaking balaclavas unless you’re expecting to rob a place whilst there?!
Now, this may be due to my geographical ignorance, so please do correct me if I’m wrong because I really need a peace of mind over this, but is there a reason in Salem to pack balaclavas?
Is it normal to look at your luggage and think; “Well we’re going to Salem, better pack those balaclavas.”?
Please help me, this is keeping me up at night and that occurred five years ago.

My main problem here is that author themselves.

If this was some random thrown in author then it may have been different if they had written exactly the same things, sure the book still would have been bad but perhaps I’d have just tucked it away and not thought about it again.

However, unlike my usual self I glanced over the foreword of this book which is a small statement from the creator of Supernatural, Eric Kripke himself.
In this statement he says how we’re lucky to have this book in our ‘hot hands’ because it’s written by someone who knows Eric Kripke’s story and what he envisioned for Supernatural inside and out and someone who has actually worked on the show.
If that’s the case then how the hell did we get this crapfest of a book?
The person is supposed to know all the intricate little details flitting around in Kripke’s mind better than he does, he said so himself in that very same statement, so how can so much feel so wrong?
If she’s meant to know the show so well how can she gets Sam’s birth date wrong? (Which I know they do in season 11 too, I haven’t gotten there yet but I saw the screen shot….is it that hard to remember May 2^nd? Or is something else going on?)
I think this is why this book felt so disappointing and it made it clear that David Reed was the superior writer of their co-produced previous book, The Unholy Cause.
After that huge hype up of Rebecca, I expected more and was left high and dry.

So, those are all my gripes.

I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

 

I found this one so bad that it was one of my first reviews I ever actually wrote on Amazon.
Look…right there, at the top…it’s me!

 

Only one person found it helpful?! Come on…it’s worth at least two helpful ratings!
I feel like I was trying to be too nice, on recollection it’s definitely not worth the three stars I gave it.

Hell Reviews - Stalled

Synopsis: It's Christmas Eve. A down-on-his-luck janitor is cleaning cubicles in an office block. Unfortunately for this forlorn floor-sweeper, he becomes trapped in the washroom the very second a zombie outbreak occurs. Will he be able to hit the emergency alarm with severed fingers and a catapult bra? Has he met his Waterloo? Will he just go potty? Or will he simply remain...Stalled? Consistently hilarious, brilliantly executed, cleverly constructed and visually imaginative, director Christian James' remarkable comedy horror is The Evil Dead meets Phone Booth in a toilet.


Straight off the bat I have to say…the bathroom in Stalled is the cleanest public bathroom I have ever seen in the history of using public bathrooms.

They’re also the biggest bathroom stalls I have ever seen that wasn’t a disable stall.

I wasn’t expecting it to be a Christmas movie.
I know in the DVD synopsis it says it is, but on the Horror channel write up it didn't and that's the only one I'd read.
I’m not sure what kind of place these people work in, but it’s one odd place if wandering around half naked or in a bikini is acceptable.
Office buildings are apparently such an enigma.

Too bad the rest of the film is just crap.

One decent thing about this movie, it doesn’t take long to get into which is something I love. I can’t stand films that take the hour of an hour and a half film to get into the story.

Also the janitor's name is W.C, haha get it? Because he's stuck in a toilet?!

Classic.

Too bad that that's pretty much all it has to offer, aside from one high sequence that's kind of fun.

Now I can’t say the acting is exactly amazing, but it’s a horror comedy about a man stuck in a toilet on Christmas Eve during a zombie apocalypse, for once I think I can give a pass on the less than stellar acting.

Seeing as the guy who wrote this film is the guy playing W.C then after watching this film I believe it's fair to say that he may need a tiny bit more experience in both areas, but he's getting there.

The female he has to talk to is honestly just really annoying after five minutes, if that.

Despite the fact that I couldn’t understand half of what she said at the start because she was muffled by other bathroom stall walls, she’s just irritating after two minutes.
I can feel a bit of sympathy for her in the end due to who she turned out to be, it's not really a 'shock' but I still won't reveal it here...I didn't hate this film THAT much that I don't care about spoilers.
But let's just say I'm kind of like her.
However...she's still annoying as all hell (no...not me, that annoying Hel in the office whose name is short for Helen who you just want to stab with a pencil because she talks too loudly on her cubical phone, ya know...that Hel.)
I mean he’s their only hope to get out of that bathroom and she throws him drugs that make him hallucinate, then nags about ‘hello, he’s the one that has to get them out of there’.
Because logic.
I am a fan of sarcasm as a form of humour and even crude humour, but she just becomes more of an irritation the more she speaks.
Also to be honest the constant references can get a bit tiring after a while and most of them tend to fall flat if they’re meant to be jokes, but over all it’s a good throw away film.

The effects aren’t that bad either, pretty good for a purposefully cheesy film.

It’s not bad for a film made on a budget of 450k.
This is one film where I don’t mind not knowing all the answers, like how the zombies came into being, why did they all accumulate in the bathroom? And another very ending specific question I’ll keep to myself.
There are a few cheap ass jumpscares, which I despise, but it happens.

Would I agree that it’s the ‘successor to Shaun of the Dead’?

No, it’s a long way off, but it’s good for harmless entertainment.

If you’re looking for a horror comedy to whittle away the time then Stalled is a half decent one, but I wouldn’t say it stood up to what I expected.

This is one movie that should have been flushed without a look back. (I’m so sorry.)

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: War of the Sons - and I guess bit of a small rant.

Synopsis: This is a Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit ITV series! Twenty-three years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a demonic supernatural force. Following the tragedy, their father taught the boys everything about the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners of America...and how to kill it. On the hunt for Lucifer, the boys find themselves in a small town in South Dakota where they meet Don - an angel with a proposition...How far will the boys go to uncover the secret Satan never wanted them to find out?

So here we have a time travel novel mixed in with the Supernatural verse, and compared to the few episodes we've been given over the years that involved canonical time travel...this book really didn't keep up with them.
Unfortinately Rebecca and David just didn't catch the Supernatural feel in this novel.
Now I'll be the first to say that this isn't the worst in the series, hooboy no...we'll be getting to that one soon enough, but I did find some issues with this one and it sticks out as a serious 'meh' one.

I have been with the series since it premiered in 2005, I'm pretty (read as a lot) obsessed with it, but not to the point where it takes over my life and I don't particularly partake in the fandom much. Sure I write fanfiction and kind of throw that out there for people to consume if they wish, but I don't run a dedication blog to my favourite character, heck aside from one small site I check I don't really pay attention to the actors themselves.
However, I am also not one of those fans that will blindly give something a good rating and five stars purely because it is Supernatural related and I can be critical. Heck...I'm still worried I made someone take down their own Supernatural story from Amazon for giving it an average review (I'm sure it was just legal stuff, but it's still kinda funny how it was up until I wrote the first review and then they both disappeared.)
Just because you like it, doesn't make everything associated with it good.
This is one of those novels that falls in line with deserving a more critical look despite the brand name.

This book doesn't do the well established characters justice.
By this point the show was on it's fifth season and neither authors seemed to pick up on Sam and Dean's personalities at all.
Sam is a complete non entity, I know it's something he seems to suffer from in some later seasons. Honestly they completely obliterate their characters later on (looking at you season eight, with Sam being weird and...just what was that Amelia shit?...Sam had good hair though) but it's all put down as 'character building.
Dean seems to be the main focus of this novel and that'd be cool...if they hadn't ruined it.
Yes I know Dean is into the ladies, but never have I come across him being as...I guess misogynistic as he seems to be in this particular book.
We know the older Winchester is bit of a lady killer, but this book takes it to a level that I feel even Dean wouldn't reach, it's like the writers don't know the difference between a little flirty and just downright skeevy.

From what I recall of 'Don the angel' I thought he was alright, but seeing as I don't remember him all that well he clearly didn't leave a lasting impression.
One person who did leave a lasting impression is the main female of the novel....I apparently loved her so much I can't even remember her name, that just shows how much I adored her! (Tries not to eye roll.)
I will openly admit to being one of 'those' people, you know the ones who don't like most of the female characters in the show.
No, it has nothing to do with 'slash shipping', I don't ship, I never have in anything I've watched (Okay...except Oz and Willow, loved them, but I'm biased because I love werewolves.)
No, it had nothing to do purely with the fact they are female, I dislike many male characters too.
It's because they're all written the same and that is atrociously.
I don't believe other characters should be altered just to make other characters look good, it's so forced and cringeworthy (I'll get hate for this...but looking at you Charlie.)
Of course there are exceptions, I liked Ellen and Jessica, for all of the five minutes of screen time she had, I quite like Donna too...and from the little shots I've seen of this new Reaper in season 11 I think she's alright too, everyone else is just insufferable.
Sadly whatshername from the book is no different and her interactions with Dean made me grimace and hold in a groan every time.
Yay for obvious and forced sexual tension.
Have fun with that grandma you visit when you're back in your own time, Dean. (Yes, that is relevant to the book.)

One thing I never picked up on though is what Lucifer could be wanting to hide from them, it's Lucifer...I doubt he'd give a big enough shit to need to hide anything as long as he got the vessel he needs to push his plan into motion.
I like the whole idea of the scripts, but I didn't see anything that was 'secret worthy' enough for the devil himself to worry about.
He's off killing whole groups of people and not caring because he's a grade A dickbag.

Overall, it's a disappointing read, and when I was finished I was eager to jump onto the next book that was waiting for me.
Boy....would I regret that one....
Sorry Rebecca, but even if you worked on the show it seems you have along way to go, as your next novel proves.

Hell Reviews - Paintball

Synopsis: Low-budget horror. A team of eight adrenaline junkies applies to participate in the ultimate paintball game. On arrival they are blindfolded and taken deep into a remote forest, and the game begins. But the game soon plunges its players into the realms of nightmare as one team member is hit with a real bullet, and what began as a thrill-seeking sport becomes a desperate struggle for survival.

Well…here we go again.

What is there to say about Paintball?

Not much honestly.

Just like Silverhide, Paintball has an interesting concept but over all the execution is just boring and flat. On the plus side, at least this one has some decent acting in it…but I can’t see how you can mess up screaming, crying and panting.

This isn’t a film I paid for, it’s currently being shown on the Horror channel and I figured I’ll watch this one, then watch the zombie in the bathroom film Stalled which is on straight after.
I shall be reviewing Stalled as I watch it, that’ll be put up soon enough.

From the bat you can tell it’s one of those independent, low budget movies that Horror channel likes to show. Sometimes I fully believe they pick these films to fully troll their audience, knowing most of us are suckers for B-movies and will probably sit through anything, even if we hate it.

Ah…the fun of horror film masochism.
I think they did pretty well with what they had, I don’t know a final number for the budget but I do fully believe that it wasn’t that high just from general watching.
The effects were pretty good, not scary, bloody splatters everywhere kind of pretty good, but more slightly above realistic kind of blood splatter levels.

The characters are complete non entities, I couldn’t tell you who was who, who died and who survived as none of them seemed to have any individual personalities.

From the bat we’re given a very brief shot of each character in a truck preparing for the game, but not given a clue as to why the hell we should give two shakes of a rat’s ass about.
None of them have their own personalities or quirks that help differentiate who is who to the watchers, except for one guy.
His whole thing is being fat apparently, because you know…character building.
In fact the only time I remember them being singled out and named clearly is right near the end when fake documents about each character are found and their names are read out.

The acting is bearable, but I feel that that’d mostly be because there’s just not much that needs to be emoted, the script hardly calls for anyone to make an Oscar worthy performance.

If you can seem worried and panicked then hey, you can have a part.
The only acting that stood out was one of the women who was behind the ‘hidden attackers’, but that was only because she stood out as the worst damn actress there. How can someone sound so hollow when pleading someone not to kill another because that isn’t what they do?
Other than that the acting was passable.
One of my main gripes however was that sometimes it was hard to understand what the hell they were saying, sometimes it was due to them panting through or screaming their lines and sometimes it was simply because they just didn’t enunciate properly.
Now I understand that when someone is panicking and frantic, scared for their lives and crying it’s normal to not be able to speak clearly, but when you’re trying to make a form of media you at least want your audience to have a brief understanding of what is being said in their moment of distress.
Speaking of panting and screaming once again, there’s only so often you can listen to people pant, cry and scream before it gets tiring.
A prime example of this would be The Human Centipede.

The ending itself is just a snorefest, the ‘final stand off’ is just not worth the film it’s on.
Not to mention the very, very end scene before the credits roll is so freaking pointless and adds nothing at all. Actually it’s extremely cringe worthy to be entirely honest and doesn’t offer a thing that makes you think: ‘You know what? That was worth it in the end’.

Do we find out why they were doing what they were to the people?

No.

Would I have liked to know?

Hell yes! Then I wouldn’t feel like I wasted my time.

What’s the point of a movie like this if the motivation behind the antagonists aren’t explained properly and you’re left with the impression that you have to just shrug it off and accept ‘just because’ as an answer.

If the film had been done well and had an effective ending that stuck with me then I wouldn’t be too bothered, as I’ve said in previous reviews I don’t need everything spelled out for me and sometimes being left in the dark can be fun if the film leaves a positive lasting impression.
Paintball’s only lasting impression is my recommendation to not watch it unless you’re extremely bored.

Overall, it’s an interesting concept of paintballing gone wrong and the forest they filmed it in was absolutely beautiful, but this is nothing to write home about.

The pacing was far too slow, the acting was alright but in the end I just didn’t give a toss about what happened or why it was happening.
I’m certainly glad I saw it for free.

You could make a drinking game out of it however!

1 drink every time you can’t understand what someone says.

2 drinks every time someone yells at someone else.

3 drinks every time someone says any form of ‘fuck’.

4 drinks every time the camera moves in a way that you can’t tell what’s going on or makes you feel a little sick.

5 drinks every time you find yourself zoning out or realising that you just don’t care about what’s going on.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: The Unholy Cause

Synopsis: A Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit ITV series!Twenty-seven years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a mysterious and demonic supernatural force. In the years after, their father, John, taught them about the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners and on the back roads of America…and he taught them how to kill it. Way back in April 1862, Confederate Captain Jubal Beauchamp leads a charge across a Georgia battleground… Fast forward to 2009 and a civil war re-enactment becomes all too real. When Sam and Dean head down south to investigate they find that history has got somewhat out of hand… ar battle re-enactment has gone very badly wrong...


The Unholy Cause was actually a pretty good book, Joe Schreiber made a good addition to the series of novels.
The case is somewhat memorable, not the most memorable of the collection but it's definitely up there with some of the better written books.

As someone who doesn't know much about re-enactments this book really did help give insight into how they work and what takes place, Joe went into great detail to set the scene and it helped a re-enactment newbie like me to picture everything without any prior knowledge.
The great thing is that there's plenty of detail but it never gets to the point of being boing or tedious, nor does it seem to take away from the case or side track to the point where you forget what you're initially reading.

Joe takes the well known characters and does a fantastic job in keeping them as themselves, an issue, as mentioned before, that many people seem to have trouble doing.
Even the professional show writers themselves.
Like the few before him Joe managed to capture the famous banter of the Winchesters and made you feel like you were just along on the ride with them, only this time you're accompanied by resident angel Castiel.
This was before the days where his character got a little tiresome and unneeded, in my opinion, but in the book he is a wonderful addition who helps push the story forward and doesn't over stay his welcome in the novel or become a completely pointlessly added background character.
I'm just counting my blessings that Ruby is only ever mentioned and never actually shows up.

All in all, it's a fun little case to read and it's great to once again see Sam and Dean in their element, it's not the greatest book in the lot but it is up there with one that I would re-read and not skip over if I chose to go through them all again.

Review and Apology - Hell Reviews - The Facility - Note: There will be spoilers.

Synopsis: Horror in which a clinical trial at a remote facility goes terribly wrong. Among those who sign up to test ProSyntrex's latest drug Pro9 are Adam (Aneurin Barnard), Joni (Alex Reid), Carmen (Skye Lourie) and Jed (Oliver Coleman). The trial is highly secret, with no-one, including the staff who administer injections, aware of who is receiving the drug and who is in the placebo group. Shortly after the trial begins it becomes clear that something has gone wrong. There are unexplained disappearances, bizarre silhouettes and screaming from behind locked doors. Locked inside the facility, unaware of the true nature of events, the surviving patients and staff must band together to try and find a way out of the nightmare.

Alright, it's a wonderful Friday night and I have literally just finished watching this film and all I can think is:

 

The facility was this weeks premiere on the Horror channel.

It's a film I've noticed quite often, I remember picking up the DVD case whilst browsing various shops over the years and thinking; Huh, I need to watch that, it looks good.

Finally, three years later I get to see it and...hooo boy was I wrong!



It started out promising enough then completely lost it part way through, I got so bored that I stopped paying attention for about twenty minutes without realising and when I zoned back in I still feel like I hadn't missed anything.
Except what happened to Arif, who I kept mistakenly believing was called Aaron throughout the whole film.
Seriously, where'd he go?
I know he got raged after the drugs took affect, so I can only presume he died but....yeah...I dunno.

The story had so much potential then ended up being lacklustre, and I feel like I say that far too often on here, but it's sad how often that turns out to be true.
In my opinion at least.
Now I am by no means a cinephile, I am but a mere casual viewer. However I'm not one of those stupid ones that needs everything explained to me, but there are certain titbits of information I wouldn't have minded to have for this particular film.
There are tons of films out there that create this mystery serum, some are explained (usually the more high budgeted things I've found) and some to be used simply as a means to an end, The Facility is unfortunately the latter.
To push this even further, however, it seems that this particular film doesn't even explain 'why' to anything it throws at you.

Why is ProSyntrex testing this on humans?
We don't know.

Did they test it on animals first?
We don't know.

Why does it make every participant go into the same kind of rage rather than have multiple results on varying people?
We don't know.

Why would you make it so the staff members themselves don't know who has the placebo and who is actually injected, thus putting themselves and the test subjects in danger?
We.don't.know.

Nothing is explained as if it's supposed to make us more on edge when everyone starts going nuts and killing each other.
Let's not forget the typical; Oh no! We were told not to tell anyone about this and have no contact with the outside world, aside from this one connected phone line throughout the facility, but that's been cut and we only have these walkie talkies that won't connect to anyone outside.
Which always happens as soon as it goes insane in the membrane.
I can suspend my disbelief, but there comes a limit and sometimes it takes merely one throw away sentence to answer all the questions I have left over after watching.

The characters range from passable to irritating.
I figured the whole point of having test subjects is getting a variety of people with varying backgrounds and personalities, this should help with better results on how the serum takes hold of each person.
Well they kind of got the varying backgrounds down, from the small hints you were given at the very beginning, but all of them were total asshats.
Although I kind of like Arif....come back you germaphoby dude, I miss you.
And you Howard, I think you were a caretaker or security guard or something, either way, you were nice and didn't get enough screen time.
There was a nineteen year old there who acted like a bloody eight year old.
A typical jock type who was blatantly going to be the first to go mad, and not just because he was injected first. It was because he was a total asshole and those characters very rarely get left until last, especially in movies like this when there's a whole selection of people to get rid of.
Pick off the asshole first, it's a guaranteed winner.
I was dealing well with Toby, who seemed to be an ex-druggie and over all cool 'older guy' of the group...but once again we didn't get official confirmation, from what I remember. Of course because he started off cool he simply HAD to turn into a twat in the end.
The other characters, aside from our main guy Adam, proved to be completely pointless.
Heck even the doctor and the nurse were ultimately useless.
I believe there was a reporter women who signed up with the purpose to do an article on this test, my main issue here is that it was supposed to be a super, ultra, mega secret test so how did she get wind that it was going on?
In fact...how did ANY of them?

Another thing, were these characters supposed to have pre-existing issues?
I mean Arif was obviously a germaphobe.
Toby had been there and seen it all.
Nineteen year old clearly had stunted mental growth, whether that was intentional or not I can't say.
Adam seemed to have some kind of social disorder, perhaps? He was your typical, hang back all quietly like until things needed to be put in order.
I'm not sure, I don't remember getting clarification either.

Wow...not even an hour has passed since I watched it and I'm already lacking on information, that says a lot.

So this is where the official spoiler talk starts, so I guess if you don't wish for spoilers than scroll past this section and head straight past it!
Anyway! It turns out that, DUNDUNDUN!!!!
Adam was the placebo recipient all along.
Dat plot twist man!
Also there's an epilogue of forced caption reading for you to read so you can get the gist of how this whole test ended.
You know the one thing that annoyed me beyond belief?
No, it wasn't that there were all of two survivors apparently.
I'm presuming that one was Adam, the other one?
I...am not entirely sure, four very short clips were shown at the end of different characters all looking alive and well, for some anyway.
No, it also wasn't that ProSyntex had no repercussions for sending these people into a living hell and causing deaths which these people's families will have to mourn.
It's the fact that it said the affects wore off after seventeen hours!
I HATE when films do that!
I find it to be such a cop-out.
People's lives have been ruined because this company seemingly hadn't done their job properly and tested the serum accordingly before moving to the next stage.
It seemed like no one, not even the doctor giving the damn injections, knew any of the possible results and everyone had a 'wait and see attitude. If that was me I'd want all the information they could possibly give me before accepting anything they wanted to stick in my arm.
It seems logic is not welcome in this place.

In conclusion, it's awful and I would recommend you give it a miss.
Is there a chance I'm just being stupid and didn't pick up on the small hints given in places?
Of course, as I said I found myself drifting away, but had the film been more gripping then it wouldn't have been an issue.

Now, I will take this moment to apologise for slacking so much this month.
It's been a surprisingly hectic month, but it's started calming down and I can focus on writing my reviews and randomness.
Although I know I don't have any followers, I still feel bad for slacking off and just being a terrible updater.
But it should all be back soon, I'll even post a few more stories.
That's all!
Hell out!

Hell Reviews - Drag Me to Hell

Synopsis: Director Sam Raimi (Spider-Man trilogy, Evil Dead series) returns to the horror genre with Drag Me to Hell, an original tale of a young woman’s desperate quest to break an evil curse.     
Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) is an ambitious L.A. loan officer with a charming boyfriend, Professor Clay Dalton (Justin Long). Life is good until the mysterious Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver) arrives at the bank to beg for an extension on her home loan. Should Christine follow her instincts and give the old woman a break? Or should she deny the extension to impress her boss, Mr. Jacks (David Paymer), and get a leg-up on a promotion? Christine fatefully chooses the latter, shaming Mrs. Ganush and dispossessing her of her home. In retaliation, the old woman places the powerful curse of the Lamia on Christine, transforming her life into a living hell. Haunted by an evil spirit and misunderstood by a skeptical boyfriend, she seeks the aid of seer Rham Jas (Dileep Rao) to save her soul from eternal damnation. To help the shattered Christine return her life to normal, the psychic sets her on a frantic course to reverse the spell. As evil forces close in, Christine must face the unthinkable: how far will she go to break free of the curse?

Oh man...where do I even start with this one?
It's absolutely atrocious, from start to finish.
For some it may be a 'so bad it's good' kind of film, but for me it was 'so bad I regret wasting my time'.

This is one of those films where the advert made it look so good! I was amazingly eager to see it and revel in one of the 'scariest films of the year'.
A little side rant here, how do things get things be the 'best comedy/horror/action' movie of the year when the years has just started. So often something will be advertised as this in the early months, from January-May, and to me that just kind of shouts; "We don't have much hope for this movie."
Anyway, back to this atrocity.
What were they thinking?

The story itself had so much potential, but the execution lacks so much that it barely constitutes as a horror film and comes across more like a comedy.
Given a half decent writer and director I think this film would have done alright and not become the laughing stock it is, I mean even the kings of stupid movies and jumpscares could have done a better job (Looking at you, Insidious and Paranormal Activity people,) and most of their movies are utter trite.

The acting can be laughable at best.
I was honestly surprised to see Alison Lohman had quite a few things under her acting belt, but  I doubt many of it has her in the lead position.
As the main focus of the film, she came across so poorly, but the writing was also so bad that you have to kind of wonder if that's her fault or if the director just couldn't get his tone right and therefore her performance slipped as a result.
It seemed Alison was only there because they couldn't get Kirsten Dunst to appear in this travesty. Sam Raimi sure loves the 'squeaky clean, cute blonde' look for his stars.

The characters were unlikable in every sense of the meaning.
I didn't feel an inkling of sympathy for Christine as she came across as a self entitled bitch.
I'd have rooted for the Lamia the whole way if the old woman wasn't just as unlikable, you silly woman, pay your damn debts and stop cursing people, then maybe you wouldn't have to beg and be humiliated in public.
The boyfriend was completely pointless to be frank, only there to push in the whole 'perfect life' angle Christine had going for her before her life went to shit. Ultimately he is forgettable at best and irritating at the worst, which is a shame...I kind of like Justin Long.

Everything was ridiculously predictable.
The séance scene with the damn talking goat was the best part, next to the ending of course.
I admit...I kind of like the last five minutes in bits and pieces, even if some of it was eyeroll worthy.

All in all, it's good for a laugh with some friends, but don't go into it expecting anything spectacular.
If you can, give it a miss and waste the spare hour or so bashing your head in a doorframe, it's much more enjoyable.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Heart of the Dragon.

A Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit TV series! Twenty-three years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester lost their mother to a demonic supernatural force. Following the tragedy, their father taught the boys everything about the paranormal evil that lives in the dark corners of America... and how to kill it. Bobby Singer alerts Sam and Dean to a series of particularly brutal killings in San Francisco's Japantown. It's been 270 new moons since the last time, and it looks like the Heart of the Dragon is back...

Sorry for missing my movie review on Monday, it's just been a little hectic this past week and will continue to be so for a little while.

Anyway!

The first in the new cover series, but still classed as book 4 of the whole range, brings in another great edition from Keith.

As stated before DeCandido does a wonderful job portraying the brothers and their relationship, he is one of my favourites to adapt the series to book range and this one is no different.

As someone who lives in the old United Kingdom, I can’t say how accurate any of the locations are to their original regions, I know the show does the typical thing of using Canada as any place but Canada (except in that one meta, fourth wall episode) but book wise? I’m not sure on the accuracy.

If it is accurate, then I think it does a good job of portraying the focused area and introduces people who aren’t really familiar with it to that little place we didn’t know existed.

Did I know there was a Japantown in San Francisco?

Nope.

But I’ve heard of it now.

Do I know if it actually exists now?

No.

You’ll have to excuse my ignorance, but I’m also not amazingly familiar with my own countries geography so it’s nothing personal, I just don’t care about that particular subject.

The case at hand is a good one and keeps you nicely intrigued, it’s not the best case out of the whole book series, but it’s certainly one of the better ones.

If I had to choose between rereading this one and say…One Year Gone, I wouldn’t hesitate to nab this one up again, and not just to avoid reading that.
I will be getting to that one in a few short weeks time.

All in all, it’s a good read, not the strongest but most definitely not the weakest.

Hell Reviews - Supernatural: Bone Key

This is a Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit "CW" series!Monster hunters Sam and Dean Winchester head to Key West when an old acquaintance of their father calls to say that the coastal town's many ghosts seem to have gone into overdrive. Soon after the brothers meet the ghost of Ernest Hemingway, they discover that a demon couple who escaped from the Devil's Gate are supercharging the local spooks for their own purposes. But things go from bad to worse when the powerful spirits of a long-extinct Native American tribe decides to take its revenge on the "settlers". Join Sam and Dean on an unusual ghost hunt, in this original Supernatural novel.

 

I feel unfair reviewing this one as I honestly can’t remember a bit of it.

It’s the final book in this particular set, as the next moves on to the new cover format, but beyond that I don’t remember much of it to comment on.
Once again the author is Keith R.A. Decandido and I do remember him doing another wonderful job of keeping the book in it’s original Supernatural formula, with Sam and Dean acting in accordance to the shows painted personalities.
However beyond that, I find it hard to remember anything past the fact that I found it readable and didn’t get bored.
It’s worth a read, but not the strongest in the first trilogy, it was rather forgettable to me.
Sorry this one is so short, there's just nothing to say.

Hell Reviews - Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Synopsis: Opulently blood-spattered sci-fi gothic rock opera. In the near future, humankind is suffering a worldwide epidemic of organ failures. In the midst of the crisis, a multinational biotech corporation called GeneCo launches a finance programme for organ transplants. But there's a catch: those who miss their monthly payments are hunted down and 'repossessed' by the dreaded Repo Men, who are out to retrieve their property as quickly - and as painfully - as they can. Alexa Vega stars as Shilo Wallace, an over-protected young girl seeking answers to her own rare disease and her family's mysterious history. Will her questions finally be answered at the eagerly-anticipated, flamboyantly spectacular Genetic Opera? Paul Sorvino and Paris Hilton co-star.

 

So back in the good old days, when Blockbuster was still a thing, my parents came home one day with a surprise collection of DVD’s and amongst them was Repo: The Genetic Opera.
Now a random fact is I keep wanting to call it; Repo the Generic Rock Opera.
This has nothing to do with my opinion on the film, it’s the same as me always wanting to say ‘Specific Rim’.
That means nothing to anyway, just a fascinating fact about Hell.
Anyway, one of my best friends happened to be over on the day they rented the film and we figured we’d hunker up in my room and give it a watch together, it’s always more fun with friends, right?

My initial reaction was one of awe, it was pretty awesome.

The scenery was beautiful, creating a typical dark future world with a colour palette that would blend in well with Evanescence’s Bring Me To Life video, it’s dark, gothic and seems to catch the aim it was going for.
The costumes were astounding, I especially like Graverobber and Blind Mag’s outfits, aside from all the make up slathered onto the former.
It goes without saying that some of the singers, once again Blind Mag, could blow you away with one note, and I’ve seen people online saying this isn’t even the actresses’ best performance!
After a few watches the novelty did wear off a bit, but it was still a good film.

Now I still really like the film, there are just a few performances I can be nitpicky about…okay, mainly one performance.

Despite not being a Paris Hilton fan, she did alright in her role in this film, maybe because she wasn’t supposed to be playing anyone with even a modicum of talent and plenty of self delusion, it fit her perfectly.
So this point isn’t about her, I just wanted to point out that aside from still not being able to sing or act, she did well here.
My main gripe is with Alexa Vega.
I refuse to look at this through nostalgia goggles just because she was in Spy Kids, which I loved as a kid.
Here you are, this amazing production full of such great talents, and Alexa sadly doesn’t even reach the standards of the others.

That isn’t to say that ALL other characters and actors were top notch and didn’t have their irritations, but honestly? It seems like they purposefully set out for them to be the way they are.

Shilo is just an annoying, bratty girl with a screechy voice who makes my ears bleed.
Was the intention for the character to be like this?
Perhaps.
Considering one of her songs consists of her jumping around, ‘rocking’, and telling her dad he’s basically an old fart who needs to get off, then it’s very possible that it’s the case.
That doesn’t, however, excuse the singing for me.
Each time a scene transitioned to her I inwardly groaned and prayed it would be a rare scene where singing wasn’t a thing.
Most of the time I was wrong.

The story isn’t the strongest out there, but it gets by with what it’s got honestly.

There are bits which are intriguing, I personally enjoyed the whole thing going on with Blind Mag, as well as the conflict of the Repo Man trying to juggle his grisly job whilst keeping his daughter inside for protection.
Unfortunately most of the story is just kind of blah, I don’t care about who will take over GeneCo and it was kind of obvious to see what the conclusion was leading to and I certainly didn’t care about Shilo’s ‘illness’.
I think the ending is ultimately a ‘screw you, because protagonist’ scenario, and those things piss me off personally, but all in all it was plain to guess where it was leading.

It’s kind of gory, it’s musical and sometimes unintentionally hilarious.

It’s worth a watch if you want to take your mind off life for a while, just don’t expect it to stick with you for too long.